Wed 23rd Sep 2026 - Rant about unwanted nicknames
Doesn't it grind your gears when people invent an unwanted nickname for you and persist in using it? Children delight in doing this to eachother but when adults do it, well, they really should know better. Unless they really actually do have such little respect for you. My name is David, but family and friends simply call me David.

Sat 19th Sep 2026 - Family Gathering
Ann's birthday (15th September) and Emily's birthday (21st September) are so close that it has become a tradition to have a small family gathering at John's place to share a meal to celebrate. I was very worried that I would fall to bits, but as it turned out, it was a wonderful afternoon and I really enjoyed myself. My first social event in some months.

Thu 17th Sep 2026 - Updating website
Spent a lot of time over the last few days updating this website. The hardest aspect has been the photo album - the photos of Ann vividly remind me of her and often trigger tears to a lesser or greater degree. Good memories of things and times that have gone, leaving an empty silent kitchen, an empty computer chair, an empty lounge chair, an empty bed, an empty car seat. I'm trying to fill the gaping void with talkback radio burbling in the background, and keeping busy. Cleaners come on Tuesdays, neice comes on Wednesdays, son comes once a week or so, so for the past four months I've only had any face-to-face human social interaction once or twice a week for a precious few short minutes. I now understand how old alone people are sometimes discovered in their homes having died months previously and nobody noticed. One thing that has surprised me is the complete lack of support from a couple of organisations I am a paid up member of when I was so very desperate for support. One even has a designated Welfare Officer! Thank goodness for radios, internet social media and internet messengers.

Tue 15th Sep 2026 - Ann's Birthday
She would've turned 74 today. I've added pretty colours to this page to help navigation. Drove down to Popeyes North Street Takeaways for a celebratory Eggburger and Chips for lunch (only Mrs Popeye was there, no sign of Mr Popeye, hope he's OK).

Mon 14th Sep 2026 - Launch
Brainwave! Incorporate a Blog in this website!

Fri 11th Sep 2026 - Counselling
I related how I felt that my life had entered a new chapter, or maybe more accurately a new volume, if thinking about our life as being like a book.

Sat 29th Aug 2026 - Haircut
Haircut was way overdue, first time since Ann died. I'm very slowly getting back into 'normal' life routines.

Fri 28th Aug 2026 - Podiatrist
Feet are in excellent condition, a nice change to my first visit a few years ago when she dug three stones out of the soles of my numb feet!

Tue 18th Aug 2026 - B12  and Doctor
Doctor renewed my presciption, adding Paracetamol for leg pain.

Sat 25th Jul 2026 - Facebook
Launched a private Facebook group 'Kiwi Grief Chat' but it never took off. I began to notice a number of grief-oriented Facebook groups simply weren't going anywhere and were simply wallowing in grief, where to my mind, I wanted to get on with life. I know that grief has now become part of my life, but I don't want it to be swallowing my entire life. Also, after posting about Ann's passing on Facebook, many of the responses were welcome but some reflected the old cult indoctrination that I honestly thought would've been seen through and discarded by now.

Fri 17th Jul 2026 - Counselling
Counsellor's notes as follows:
 "Plan:
  1. Let yourself grieve.
  2. Keep journalling - can be therapeutic.
  3. Drop your anchor
   - go outside - fresh air & sunshine.
   - deep breaths.
   - what do you notice - engage senses - see/hear/smell/taste/feel/etc.
  4. Puzzles etc. Things you enjoy to occupy your mind."

Thu 2nd Jul 2026 - Podiatrist
For years Ann had been nagging the podiatrist to do something about making it easier to get up the steep steps at their front door. Today I discovered their beautiful new ramp that is the perfect solution. I wept as I went up the shiny new ramp and went into the building, because Ann would've been so impressed by it.

Fri 26th Jun 2026 - Counselling
Not handling things very well. Utterly devastated, bursting into deep sobbing too often. I cannot carry on living like this and know I need help. Drove to Feilding Health Care to enquire about the free Grief Counselling that the vitamin B12 injection nurse told me about. As I was anticipating breaking down talking to the receptionist I wrote my question as a note on my smartphone and just handed her the phone. Had about an hour's counselling with Christine Murcott.
Notes:
 "Allow yourself / give self permission to grieve. Let yourself feel Joy sometimes as well.
  1. Go for a walk / drive somewhere e.g. library / coffee / drive to a place you like - beach / park.
  2. Rejoin the Ham Radio Club, etc."

Tue 16th Jun 2026 - Vitamin B12 injection.
While with the nurse giving me the Vitamin B12 injection, she could see that I was distressed and asked why. She advised me that free grief counselling was available.

Fri 22nd May 2026 - Funeral, Burial
On Friday 22 May, after the funeral service at Beauchamp Funeral Home we buried her at the Feilding Cemetery.

Mon 18th May 2026 - Ann Died
On Monday morning, 18 May 2026 at about 7am, my soulmate died. She had got out of bed before me and was sitting at her computer in the lounge. I got up and went into the lounge and asked how she felt as she'd not been feeling 100% recently and had mentioned possibly changing her insulin injection dosage slightly. I went to the toilet and while I was returning to the lounge she activated her St John's alarm pendant.